Sometimes the best things in life take time to brew. You need it all to sink in in order to reflect quite what the hell happened and fully understand what the lessons were.
I’m known for adding a slightly sarcastic, lackadaisical tone to most things – particularly big life events or dramas. It’s my way of coping with the emotional reality of what is often quite a grave situation. I rarely sweat the big stuff – it’s the small stuff I freak out about – but more on that later.
It all started with deciding to take some time out of the Rat Race. Taking 8 weeks out of work, during summer 2022 between contracts (so not quite that exciting/ risky), was a big deal. Not least post Covid with the recession nipping at our heels and a CONSTANT narrative in the media about the gig economy drying up, IR35 reversal , blah, blah, blah.
It conspires 8 weeks isn’t very long when you’ve got a two and a half week road trip across Spain planned with the kids, a large menagerie of animals, 18 months’ worth of social and family gatherings to host and attend and the usual life and business admin to get done. The time flew and we ran headfirst into the new term and job without a second thought.
‘September pace’ is always unsustainable and sure enough, the cracks started to show when the eldest broke his collarbone playing rugby, one of our dogs got diagnosed with cancer and Covid made an unwelcome appearance in our household for the 5th time, just before half term. In turn we all went down with it and seemed to recover quite quickly. Our youngest, though, didn’t. In early December she was “diagnosed” with Long Covid and just before Christmas, due to having an impacted immune system, went down with Scarlet Fever. What followed was a Strep A infection and the most horrendous skin rash even the Doctors blanched at.
Nearly 3 months later, we’ve learned to live with the condition, and a host of new allergies, which go into remission and then emerge and flare at the slightest stress or change in routine. Our daughter has been absolutely incredible at managing it all. Her sheer strength of character and belief that this will end has been an inspiration. It’s taught us all to slow right down. To plan as little as possible between bursts of activity. It’s taught us to say “no” more, prioritise, and do less. And we’ve really had to role model this, probably for the first time.
It’s also taught us who our friends are! Who knew saying “no” and putting your health first would upset so many people?! They take it personally, struggle to empathise and switch off after the initial leaning in “to help”. I’ve been staggered by how few people “get” that this condition isn’t going to go away in a few weeks with a magic cure. We’ve gone with healing the root cause and not the symptoms which may take months or years. We just need to ‘trust the process’ – and the route we’ve decided to take in terms of treatment – and sit it out.
Sitting it out and giving things time to brew aren’t what we typically do in business. In fact I can’t think of any situation where we do this – willingly or otherwise. It’s all about quick wins, fixing issues and a controlled route to a clear outcome. All activity is planned to within an inch of its life. Even retrospectives are time boxed. If it’s not tracked it doesn’t exist. And this self-fulfilling prophecy continues in an endless cycle of repetition. Until it stops working. A little like steroids in medicine, which magically control symptoms in a ridiculously short period of time only for the condition to flare far beyond it’s original range when they’re stopped, a lot of our business practices work the same way. At the end of a coaching intervention or transformation programme, if we’ve built business and technology systems to rely on individuals who then leave, they can fall over when those individuals exit. We’ve done the opposite of successfully handing over to BAU. We’ve become the single point of failure in our ego driving for us to be included or indispensable. I digress.
What if the lesson here is about time and space being the greatest healer? Thinking and behaving holistically is less about the quick fix and more about true wellbeing of ALL of you, not just the bit people can see. And surely true and full health is more sustainable and better for business than the alternative – burned out talent wanting to leave? Fighting the battles that matter to you not every detail. Letting it all happen and play out sometimes rather than controlling or micromanaging. Doing work that doesn’t compromise your values and with people who feed your soul rather than make you resent getting up each morning to work for them. And always being and thinking “human” in all of your business interactions. It’s really not that hard.
So, Katrina, here are the lessons;
- Let that s*** go – nothing is worth getting ill for and a want for constant control isn’t healthy.
- Sweat the small stuff if you must (we’re only human!), prioritise the big stuff.
- Ask yourself as often as possible – “what needs to stop in order for me to take on this new thing?” and “Is my health being compromised by doing this?
- Don’t be, or work for, an a***hole – life really is too short.
- Hanging out with your family & other animals is always time well spent.
I leave you with this quote about detachment by Lao Tzu;
“A leader is best when people barely know she exists. When her work is done, her aim fulfilled, they will say “we did it ourselves”.